Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Performance Episode 4: Recaps & Reactions

We start off the show with intros of Suave Porn & Dave {Brooke tells Dave she's glad it's him sitting up there with SP & not her ~ catty!} and then we see some reality episode highlights. Suave Porn shows up at the gilded cage, does some shots with the rawkers & plays some of their new music for the auditionees. The tunes aren't bad ~ not at all what I expected ~ but we'll see what they are like with some vocal tracks added.

Gilby is wearing a white t-shirt and leather pants ~ yummy!
Jason got a haircut ~ looking good.
T.Lee has on a hat & is that eyeliner? I'm having "A Clockwork Orange" flashbacks!

Lukas is up first with "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve. I noticed that T.Lee {now, let's remember that he is a 'world-renowed drummer' and I use the term loosely} is clapping out of time to the beat. I can actually hear Lukas over the instruments today and he's sounding pretty good, & playing guitar as well. Jason is still most concerned about his voice.
Zayra does "Call Me" by Blondie. She is wearing a blue lycra/Sgt.Pepper/cutout catsuit/white GoGo boot outfit. What planet does this woman do her shopping on? She's actually really good ~ yes, that is surprise from me ~ but I noticed she is out of breath at the end of the song. Not good. Dave tells her to get started on her solo career OUCH! Gilby says she lost him again, and T.Lee only comments on her outfit. BawkBawk tells her she looks good, although coming from the Celtic cheerleader, I wouldn't be too impressed with the praise.
Dana performs a Nirvana song I've never heard "About a Girl". Also plays guitar. We got to hear a different side of her voice in this song, and it's good. SP also compliment her, Dave tells her she's finally getting dirty and Dana replies "I chugged a beer before I went on". She's feisty, this one.
Patrice sings "The Remedy" by The Black Crowes. I'm thinking Sheryl Crow meets Suzie McNeil. Each week I am less in love with her, and I'm sorry but the fur vest was not a good choice. For anyone. Take note, boys & girls. Patrice tries to get a little feisty with Dave & it backfires. He comments that he's seeing that same thing from her each week & it's a little boring. She asks him if he always does different things on stage when he's performing. He replies "Yes, I do. But let's remember that I have a job, and you're auditioning for a job". Check and mate!
Toby performs "White Wedding" Billy Idol. Still not getting the Toby attraction. I think he stole some of those moves from Loverboy's Mike Reno, and was that a gun-finger I saw? Maybe he's too pretty, I don't know, but I don't get it.
Magni selected "Hereos" David Bowie. No sunglasses ~ finally! And he is also playing guitar. The beginning is very subdued, and I can't enjoy the egotistical "everybody wants me, I'm so fabulous" smirk. The performance is OK, I think I've got perceived personality issues with Magni. The boys have no issues with his vocals, just the performance.
Ryan "I Alone" by Live. What? What was that? An actual, sincere smile! Well done, scowly brooding boy. I noticed Zayra yapping to Dilana during the beginning of the performance. Dilana is later seen on her feet dancing away. Can I take a moment to inquire why these boys are wearing trucker chains? Why does anyone wear a trucker chain? I don't think truckers even wear them anymore. Please get rid of this horrid addition to your wardrobe pronto! Ryan goes a little apeshit, jumps off the drum stand and bounces around the stage. Tongue bath from Suave Porn.
Gilby then joins Jill onstage for "Brown Sugar" by the Rolling Stones. Her skirt is so short, I'm pretty sure I could complete her OB-GYN report right now without difficulty. Grind, grind, grind away on Gilby. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd take advantage of the proximity too but a little, teeny, tiny bit too much, wouldn't you say? Well, Gilby thought so and said so, calling the move "Predicatable, cheap & weak." What we aren't shown are his comments about her hitting him with the mic stand. In his playing hand. Not good. Read about it here halfway down the page.
Phil "One Headlight" The Wallflowers. Did he purchase that shirt in the tween girl section of WalMart? Inquiring minds want to know. He tried to rock it, bless his heart, but I don't think that's really possible with this song. Plus, I've seen more rock at Conrad & Bronco Bill's square dancing club. The Rawkers on the pad are not animated, Lukas doesn't even raise off his reclining position on his elbow to clap. Slap!
Dilana does an acoustic version of "Time After Time" Cyndi Lauper. She is a consumate professional, engaging the audience. Once again is GOOD! Dave calls her Sweet Dilana {please, don't start that crap again Petite Prince of Darkness!} Jason actually calls for more applause from the audience "Let's hear it!"
Josh "No Rain" Blind Melon. Someone please, for the love of all things holy, slap the permagrin off this man's face before I waste all my AirMiles flying down to LA to do it! At least tell him his dog died or something. Chah, I don't get this guy at all.
Storm "Anything, Anything" Dramarama. New song for me, and she kills it! She rocks it, she brings it, she ... well, she does really well. And a full-on crowd dive. WooHoo! Now we're talking. Jason calls her performance turbocharged, and T.Lee compliments her on her diving form.

Dana, Toby, Ryan & Storm were all told that this was the best performance Suave Porn had seen from them yet. Methinks they need some help with the dialogue ~ just a thought?

Encore ~ Storm
Bottom three ~ Patrice, Phil & Josh.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Snarks & Spoilers

Click here for behind the scenes info, recaps of episodes before they are aired on TV from people who attend the tapings, for discussion boards on all things Suave Porn.

This is a whole other world, where fans of the show have formed their own community & language. Be careful ~ you can get lost in here for days.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Elimination Episode 3

New Sensation is still the theme song? WTF? Has this always been? And why am I just noticing it now?

So BawkBawk is dressed like a Celtic cheerleader - nice skirt!

They showed some footage from the Performance Episode, and the aftermath at the gilded cage. Dana is confused ~ is my makeup wrong? I did the arm pump and I'm stomping around. What more do they want? Uh, just a guess, but less Celine Dion and more Rockstar could be the way to go. 15 minutes of discussion, questions for the rawkers and recaps. Blaaah! Bring on the show!

Magni gets the encore. Does a nice job.

Bottom 3: Jenny, Dana & Josh. Two out of 3, my super-genius powers are coming back to me. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
A little aside - what did Zayra say when she was called up for being in the bottom 3 during the voting? She looked pissed!

Jenny does "Vaseline" by STP. Her voice is just not suited to the hard stuff. She has great stage presence during this number, but can't wail. And why does Jason always look like he just smelled a fart? Nice golf clap Josh. Way to be supportive.
Dana performs "High Road Easy" by Sass Jordan. She intros it as an underground song. Now is it the Canadian in me that wants to slap her face? I wouldn't call it underground, but maybe I'm being overly sensitive. I actually got goosebumps during this performance, but the air conditioner was set high so I don't want to get on the Dana Bandwagon just yet.
Josh does "Heart Shaped Box" by Nirvana. Seriously, how many times will we have to hear this song? I have nothing against the song, but come on! Use a little originality people! Can't get into his voice for the life of me, not the singing out of the side of his mouth, nor the lack of stage presence, nor the smiley smiley smiley.

My thoughts... Jenny is gone.

Now it's the stupid BK Stacker commercial. Query ~ is that really Hervé Villechaize, or just someone who looks like him? Edit: not him, he passed away in 1993.

The Hatchet Man, T.Lee, again tells us how much this sucks and finally gets to it. "Jenny, you gotta go." How suave. How debonair. Way to soften the blow.

I agree with their decision, and wish Jenny all the best at her neighbourhood Vancouver coffee house.

Mayhaps the Reason For All the Flirty Remarks?

as found on sympatico home page

Carmen Electra, Dave Navarro to Split
18/07/2006 8:14:00 AM

"`Til Death Do Us Part" -- not quite. Actress Carmen Electra and musician Dave Navarro are "amicably separating," Electra's publicist, Brit Reece, said Monday.
Reece would not elaborate on the reasons behind the split.

Former "Baywatch" star Electra and former Red Hot Chili Peppers guitarist Navarro documented their 2003 wedding on MTV's "`Til Death Do Us Part: Carmen & Dave."
The sexy pair met on a blind date, and "it was love at first sight," Electra told The Associated Press during an interview in 2004.

Navarro currently co-hosts the CBS talent competition "Rock Star."

Performance Episode 3: Recap & Reactions

I’ve got my kitty pillow, my cuddly blanket, had a potty break, I’m ready for some Rock’n’Roll! Bring it, babies!

BawkBawk shows up wearing a stylish, shimmery black dress and does a recap of the song selection process. The rawkers are becoming very crabby locked in their gilded cage, with several just grabbing the song they want without any regard for the others or Toby trying to be Mr. Organization. Apparently, this behavior is more than acceptable, as the Terrible Trio were commending those who “took the song selection seriously”. Do we not want to encourage co-operation? Manners? Wait ~ what am I thinking? Reality check! This isn’t an episode of Sesame Street, it’s a rock band audition! Carry on, then.

Okay. On to the performances.

Patrice “Helter Skelter” The Beatles ~ she’s wearing a weird potato sack drapy shirt thing that did nothing for her. Performance is okay, but still not up to the level of the first week. I’m losing my fan rose-coloured glasses for her. She’s kinda becoming a Suzie McNeil clone.
Josh “Come as You Are” Nirvana ~ He is just brutal. I don’t get the attraction at all here! That nasally, excessive smiley thing he’s got going on is horrid. Some annoying chick in the audience kept yelling out “Yeah” during his performance in a high-pitched squeal. Not good. The singing or the squeal.
Storm “ Just What I Needed” The Cars ~ Not feeling her at all, certainly not like she was feeling up the mike stand in a cheap, suggestive way. After watching her sing, I realized that she’s not ½ as good as she thinks she is. And the whole banter between her and T.Lee seemed rehearsed. He said he wanted to see more of her, and she said “6 letters. Google” and winked! I’m really surprised that it wasn’t accompanied by the two-gun finger salute and a tongue-clicking. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Lukas “Let’s Spend the Night Together” The Rolling Stones ~ Dark Suit, white tie, white belt… wait a minute, what’s with the shoes? Someone is falling short of the complete Herb Tarlek. Anyway, it was okay. I’m still not sure about him. I want to like him, cuz he’s Canadian and all, but he’s sooooo creepy looking. Dave tells him he comes across arrogant – which is what a rockstar should be. Gilby says that’s exactly the way they would do the song. Tommy says he’s raised the bar, and he wants to belly up, or some other such nonsense. The tongue-bathing Lukas train continues. I personally think they are building him up as a smokescreen for who they are really going to choose.
Jill “All Right Now” Free ~ This performance was ho-hum for me. I must admit I do better in the shower. And I query, how did her breasts stay in that crop-top?
Ryan “Fortunate Son” CCR ~ No one in the audience knew the song! I was watching the crowd {which was infinitely more entertaining than watching this stick} and nobody sang along, they just waved their arms in the air as ordered – I’m assuming they have little signs up to inform the masses how to react to the performances, otherwise I’m completely stumped by their behavior! This was not good. There was no movement, no smiling at all until the immensely fake one at the end. Unless he was smiling because he had his hand on BawkBawk’s ass.
Phil “White Rabbit” Jefferson Airplane ~ Jason joined him on stage to play bass. Please, someone, anyone in the house, SHARE YOUR SHAMPOO WITH PHIL! This actually was pretty good, as I was watching I remember thinking OMG he CAN move his mouth! He seemed to be channeling Marilyn Manson vocally. Jason & Phil had a collision on stage, heard through the grape-vine that Phil was bleeding a little hehehe.
Dana “It’s My Life” Bon Jovi ~ she reminded me of Wynona Judd during this performance, and I can’t say whether it was the makeup {yikes!} hair, voice or what. One of the couch potatoes said this reminded him of a Celine Dion Tribute. Ouch. Can’t see her lasting much longer
Toby “Runaway Train” Soul Asylum ~ this was kinda dull for me. Again, enjoyed the crowd clapping out of sync to the song. Well, at least they’re pretty. I want to like him, he’s very good looking, but there’s something off with him. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.
Magni “Plush” STP ~ oh, please! They’ve nicknamed him “The Iceman”… how clever. And I’m pretty sure I just saw someone {not to mention any names, but he’s from Iceland} doing some air guitar. Vocals, pretty good. Tongue bath, verbal hugs and kisses from the couch.
Zayra “Everybody Hurts” REM ~ Seriously, what is she wearing? And is that a soft lens on the camera during her close-ups? Surprisingly, very good, much better than last week. The girl can sing!
Jenny “Drive” Incubus ~ Surprise! She wears her guitar slung super low. Is this her regular thing, or is this in response to T.Lee’s criticism of Patrice? Inquiring minds want to know. As much as I want to support a fellow Canadian, she sings too vibrato for me ~ kinda like Katharine Hepburn talks. Snorted out loud when Gilby told her it sounded like something from Lillith Fair! Too True!
Dilana “Zombi” The Cranberries ~ why does she always get the special lights? Is she a special friend to the stage manager or what? She was channeling Stevie Nicks in her vocals this time, complete with tambourine performance as well. She definitely is the most polished performer. When BawkBawk introduced her, she said something about Dilani growing up poor in Africa. WTF? What does that have to do with anything? And what did Tommy say to her? I missed it, and it looked like it might have been a good one. Will research this and get back to you.

Bottom Three: Jenny, Dana, Ryan
Encore: Dilana, unless they decide that’s not playing fair, then either Lukas or Phil

Anyway, another week where I’m confused as to why most of these people are here.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Supernova Sues... Supernova

The pissed off members of punk bank Supernova have sued Rock Star: Supernova’s producers, network, and primary band members claiming that their trademark has been infringed. That’s because the show is using their name for its new group.

The first group wants “a jury trial, as well as the destruction of all ‘labels, signs, prints, packages, wrappers, containers, advertisements, electronic media and other materials bearing the Supernova mark,’” according to In addition, their suit says that the show should “publish clarifying statements that [the show is] not associated with [the punk band].” They also want “profits and all damages sustained by [the band] due to [the] misuse of plaintiff’s Supernova mark,” and want the show to not be able to trademark the name Supernova.

Intriguingly, reports that one major piece of evidence is a MySpace message from Butch Walker, who the show approached about writing the new group’s first single. “I can’t believe those dudes chose your name. For the record, I tried to talk them out of it. I told them I had a CD by a band from back in the day called Supernova and they were retarded for [using the name]. They didn’t listen. Good on ya for making a stink about it,” he wrote.

The defendants named in the suit are “Mark Burnett Productions, Rockstar Entertainment Inc. and CBS Broadcasting … along with Tommy Lee, Jason Newsted and Gilby Clarke,” according to

Thursday, July 13, 2006

When You Just Can't Get Enough

For more info, insider information, reports from audience members who attend the Sunday afternoon performance tapings check out the forum on
It's chock full of peanuts. Chock full of raisins. Yummy, yummy goodness and comments that never make the broadcasts. It's a guilty pleasure.

For the online broadcasts of the reality portion of the show, crazy nutballs talking trash about everyone but their 'favs' go to

For Dave Navarro's own take on the show, his personal opinions and thoughts on the Rockstar process and other things going on in his life, go to

Til next week.

Elimination Episode 2

How did people ever decide who to vote for? I'm not sure what criteria they are basing it on, but it certainly wasn't on the performances.

Toby gets the encore and doesn't do as well as before. The chickies still dig it, though. I guess there's no accounting for taste.

The Bottom Three are painfully, slowly announced.
Jill, Zayra & Chris. Again, only one right. This is starting to remind me of the Oscar Night competition.

Jill performs "Bring Me To Life" and NAILS it! She did awesome! And Zayra was just steaming the whole time cuz she killed that song {and not in a good way} and I suspect Jill picked it partially to show how horrible Zayra was, and partially because she knew she'd do well.
Zayra performs "You Really Got Me" again. Because she wants to show them what she's about. We know what she's about. Ruining really good songs. I think this was the absolutely laziest thing I've ever seen on TV ~ other than some footage of me passed out on a couch after a night of martinis ~ she sang the same freakin' song! Brutal. Just brutal.
Chris performs "If You Could Only See". Who knew this guy could actually sing? This was good! Much better than Phil. Colour me impressed. No doubt in my mind that this guy should live to see another day.

Well, colour me surprised when Chris is sent home! I think the catsuit saved Zayra's ass ~ literally.

I don't know what to think anymore. I need a beer.

Performance Episode 2: Recap & Reactions

Hoe-Kay. Here we go again. What a HORRIBLE night. If these are the "14 best unsigned rockers in the world" I'm going country. And that's saying something.

Magni ~ "My Generation". This was surprisingly GOOD. Buddy really pulled up his socks and actually put out a good performance.
Jenny ~ "Tainted Love". What is the deal with all these 'rockers' {and I use that term very loosely} trying to rewrite what are arguably amazing classic songs? Just because The Man, My Man JD did it last year with success makes them think this is what is needed to win. It's not. You just have to be able to sing. Bad.
Jill ~ "Violet". Oh my good Lord in Heaven, what was that? She wears a white cropped wedding dress complete with veil, screams and jumps around the stage like a two-year-old having a tantrum, throws some flowers into the crowd and has the audacity to say she "doesn't know what Courtney Love did, this is all Jill". Bad on SOOOO many levels.
Zayra ~ "You Really Got Me Now". Get her out. Get her out now. Before The Kinks & Van Halen all come and kick all your asses. The cat suit was her only saving grace, and only because T.Lee is such a horn dog.
Chris ~ "Take Me Out". If possible, this was as bad as "Roxanne". And that was the epitome of bad.
Dilana ~ "Ring of Fire". All I's got to say is ??????
Josh ~ "With Arms Wide Open". This was also bad. He reminds me of something, I can't quite put my finger on it. Ah, yes. A Christian folk singer. Not quite what Suave Porn is looking for, methinks.
Phil ~ "If You Can Only See". This man mumbles his way through {I still blame the lack of chin on his enunciation problems} and didn't do anything for this song, or his cause.
Storm ~ "Surrender". Bad. Not liking the Toni Basil hair, not liking the theatrical face & eyes, not liking any of it.
Patrice ~ "Heart Shaped Box". This was OK. Merely OK. She played her guitar along with, so didn't move a whole lot. Last week's song showcased her voice much better.
Lukas ~ "Don't Panic". This was OK. I don't know the song so can't really judge. What they didn't show on the broadcast was T.Lee saying "Let's get on the tour bus right now".
Ryan ~ "Jumpin' Jack Flash". No jumpin', no jack, and definitely no flash.
Toby ~ "Somebody Told Me". Pretty good. All the tighties in the crowd seemed to like it. As did Suave Porn.
Dana ~ "Born to be Wild". The vocals on the chorus were good. But what happens when you take a cheerleader, and dress her up in fishtail stockings, a bustier and mega eye makeup? You get someone who looks like they're going to a mascarade party at a fraternity. Exactly what T.Lee said "Born to be Mild"

My bottom three that I had picked out were:
Chris, Phil & Ryan.

I don't know. If they don't start to bring it, I say Suave Porn should just go out on their own. Do a trio and hope for the best, cuz nobody deserves it yet.

Something to Ponder

We've decided that Lukas looks like what would happen if Dwight Yoakam and Clint Howard spawned a baby.

Pretty horrible thought. Please, Mr. Evil Scientist Man, don't make this a reality.

Elimination Episode 1

Bottom Three:Chris, Phil & Matt. {So I only got 1 right, so what? I'm still ultra-smrt}

Dilana gets the encore. Whatever.
Chris sings "LA Woman" by The Doors. His stage presence is SOOOOO bad.
Phil sings "Stars" by Switchfoot. Having never heard the original, I can't compare but I do think that his absence of a chin is causing the mumbling.
Matt sings "Planet Earth" by Duran Duran, but tells Supernova he's going to "rock it up". And how is he going to accomplish this? By changing the key to D. I really think the poor lad was simply confused. He thought he was auditioning for the job as back-up singer for Nick Lachey, and stumbled into the wrong room by accident.

On the plus side, producer Mark Burnett has found his winning formula for this show ~ the Canadian guy acts like a shit-ass, says something stupid and pisses everyone off.

I query ~ "Will Lukas be allowed to redeem himself and prove that he's really a nice guy under all that hair gel and makeup?" "How much ADD medication should T.Lee be on?" "Who will Gilby say sucks next time?" Tune in next week to find the answer these and other startling questions on another exciting episode of Rockstar:Supernova.

Performance Episode 1: Recap & Reactions

The show that took up so much of my life last year is back and I'm already hooked. Rockstar:Supernova. First, let me just say how incredibly lame the name of the band is. Talk about setting yourself up for failure. Or maybe they think they'll go down in a blaze of glory, exploding like a star going supernova. Who knows? I think they all got stoned one night and threw pieces of a thesaurus in a hat and pulled out this and said "Yeah, man, that's like the best band name ever!"

Who am I kidding? As if these three guys would own a thesaurus! Or could spell thesaurus. Or have ever heard of a thesaurus.Although, Tommy Lee did go to college, so maybe he picked up some book learnin' along with some co-eds during his time there.
Let's also note, there is already a band with the name Supernova. Google them. It's true.

Anyway, first impressions.
Storm – The Who “Pinball Wizard” ~ as my friend's 13 year old daughter said "She sings like Cher. And not in a good way"
Ryan – Goo Goo Dolls “Iris” ~ must not have made much of an impression, cuz I can barely remember this performance
Toby – Bob Dylan “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” ~ pretty ballsy to attempt this song in front of one of the guys who played it with Axl Rose singing his brilliant interpretation. Not so good.
Patrice – Jefferson Airplane “Somebody to Love” ~ best performance of the night. Loved her voice, stage presence, and hair.
Magni – Rolling Stones “Satisfaction” ~ the arrogance is shining through and who cares if you're one of the top 10 most recognizable singers in Iceland? Let's keep in mind that Iceland has a population of 299,388 (est July 2006). That doesn't impress me, and neither did your butchering of this song.
Zayra – Evanescence “Bring me to Life” ~ was outside smoking & missed this one. Heard I didn't miss much.
Jenny – Nickelback “How you Remind Me” ~ also outside smoking {I smoke King Size okay? Don't harass me!}. Heard it was bad.
Josh – Black Crowes “She Talks to Angels” ~ too nasally for my taste. Also, what's with the perma-grin? Must perfect his smoldering rockstar look if he hopes to have a chance.
Matt – Coldplay “Yellow” ~ the playing of this song left me cold. See what I did there, boys and girls? A little "wordplay" with "coldplay" hahahaha. God, I'm brilliant.
Dilana – Nirvana “Lithium” ~ what was that? I believe that she watched Rockstar:INXS faithfully and took to heart all the compliments Dave gave Marty when he performed this song. She even copied his body language. Freak.
Dana – Melissa Etheridge “I’m the Only One” ~ not a bad voice when she pushes it but too young and hick.Phil – Living Colour “Cult of Personality” ~ finally! An original song choice. Too bad he dances like Beck. {Edit - not so original. Ty performed this in episode 1 of RS:INXS. No longer impressed.}
Jill – Janis Joplin “Piece of my Heart” ~ this little blondie from Long Island surprised me. Good voice. And if you cover her face from her nose down, she looks just like the drugged up bride bitch sister from "Sixteen Candles"
Chris – Police “Roxanne” ~ goodbye Chris. So nice not to know you. You really should be jailed for the criminal act you performed on this classic song last night.
Lukas – Billy Idol “Rebel Yell” ~ why is the creepiest, pedophile-looking guy from Canada? Who let him out? Why do we have border guards? Performance okay, but there was something wrong with his mic. All I could hear was the band.
House Band ~ still rock like crazy maniacs. Love them. When are they going on tour?

Bottom 3 ~ Chris, Magni, Jenny
Final 5 ~ okay, maybe it's too early for this.

Very disappointed in the talent {or lack thereof} displayed by contestants this year. The INXS wannabe's blew them all out of the water, except maybe Daphna who massacred "Rock the Casbah", and let's face it, walked like she had a full diaper.

So anyway, despite the crap I'm sure I'll have to put with from this bunch on stage, I will continue to watch, if only for the plethora of weird faces Tommy Lee makes while listening to the "auditionees" butcher well-known, beloved rock songs.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Supernova: What Were They Thinking?

What the hell were they thinking when they came up with this name? Isn't it a bit grandiose? A bit egotistical? A bit, how shall we say, over-the-top?

I like the anagram Suave Porn better. And I'm not even going to take credit for it. Found it on a website and liked it.

I think before this thing goes any farther, they should announce a name change.