Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Performance Episode 3: Recap & Reactions

I’ve got my kitty pillow, my cuddly blanket, had a potty break, I’m ready for some Rock’n’Roll! Bring it, babies!

BawkBawk shows up wearing a stylish, shimmery black dress and does a recap of the song selection process. The rawkers are becoming very crabby locked in their gilded cage, with several just grabbing the song they want without any regard for the others or Toby trying to be Mr. Organization. Apparently, this behavior is more than acceptable, as the Terrible Trio were commending those who “took the song selection seriously”. Do we not want to encourage co-operation? Manners? Wait ~ what am I thinking? Reality check! This isn’t an episode of Sesame Street, it’s a rock band audition! Carry on, then.

Okay. On to the performances.

Patrice “Helter Skelter” The Beatles ~ she’s wearing a weird potato sack drapy shirt thing that did nothing for her. Performance is okay, but still not up to the level of the first week. I’m losing my fan rose-coloured glasses for her. She’s kinda becoming a Suzie McNeil clone.
Josh “Come as You Are” Nirvana ~ He is just brutal. I don’t get the attraction at all here! That nasally, excessive smiley thing he’s got going on is horrid. Some annoying chick in the audience kept yelling out “Yeah” during his performance in a high-pitched squeal. Not good. The singing or the squeal.
Storm “ Just What I Needed” The Cars ~ Not feeling her at all, certainly not like she was feeling up the mike stand in a cheap, suggestive way. After watching her sing, I realized that she’s not ½ as good as she thinks she is. And the whole banter between her and T.Lee seemed rehearsed. He said he wanted to see more of her, and she said “6 letters. Google” and winked! I’m really surprised that it wasn’t accompanied by the two-gun finger salute and a tongue-clicking. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Lukas “Let’s Spend the Night Together” The Rolling Stones ~ Dark Suit, white tie, white belt… wait a minute, what’s with the shoes? Someone is falling short of the complete Herb Tarlek. Anyway, it was okay. I’m still not sure about him. I want to like him, cuz he’s Canadian and all, but he’s sooooo creepy looking. Dave tells him he comes across arrogant – which is what a rockstar should be. Gilby says that’s exactly the way they would do the song. Tommy says he’s raised the bar, and he wants to belly up, or some other such nonsense. The tongue-bathing Lukas train continues. I personally think they are building him up as a smokescreen for who they are really going to choose.
Jill “All Right Now” Free ~ This performance was ho-hum for me. I must admit I do better in the shower. And I query, how did her breasts stay in that crop-top?
Ryan “Fortunate Son” CCR ~ No one in the audience knew the song! I was watching the crowd {which was infinitely more entertaining than watching this stick} and nobody sang along, they just waved their arms in the air as ordered – I’m assuming they have little signs up to inform the masses how to react to the performances, otherwise I’m completely stumped by their behavior! This was not good. There was no movement, no smiling at all until the immensely fake one at the end. Unless he was smiling because he had his hand on BawkBawk’s ass.
Phil “White Rabbit” Jefferson Airplane ~ Jason joined him on stage to play bass. Please, someone, anyone in the house, SHARE YOUR SHAMPOO WITH PHIL! This actually was pretty good, as I was watching I remember thinking OMG he CAN move his mouth! He seemed to be channeling Marilyn Manson vocally. Jason & Phil had a collision on stage, heard through the grape-vine that Phil was bleeding a little hehehe.
Dana “It’s My Life” Bon Jovi ~ she reminded me of Wynona Judd during this performance, and I can’t say whether it was the makeup {yikes!} hair, voice or what. One of the couch potatoes said this reminded him of a Celine Dion Tribute. Ouch. Can’t see her lasting much longer
Toby “Runaway Train” Soul Asylum ~ this was kinda dull for me. Again, enjoyed the crowd clapping out of sync to the song. Well, at least they’re pretty. I want to like him, he’s very good looking, but there’s something off with him. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.
Magni “Plush” STP ~ oh, please! They’ve nicknamed him “The Iceman”… how clever. And I’m pretty sure I just saw someone {not to mention any names, but he’s from Iceland} doing some air guitar. Vocals, pretty good. Tongue bath, verbal hugs and kisses from the couch.
Zayra “Everybody Hurts” REM ~ Seriously, what is she wearing? And is that a soft lens on the camera during her close-ups? Surprisingly, very good, much better than last week. The girl can sing!
Jenny “Drive” Incubus ~ Surprise! She wears her guitar slung super low. Is this her regular thing, or is this in response to T.Lee’s criticism of Patrice? Inquiring minds want to know. As much as I want to support a fellow Canadian, she sings too vibrato for me ~ kinda like Katharine Hepburn talks. Snorted out loud when Gilby told her it sounded like something from Lillith Fair! Too True!
Dilana “Zombi” The Cranberries ~ why does she always get the special lights? Is she a special friend to the stage manager or what? She was channeling Stevie Nicks in her vocals this time, complete with tambourine performance as well. She definitely is the most polished performer. When BawkBawk introduced her, she said something about Dilani growing up poor in Africa. WTF? What does that have to do with anything? And what did Tommy say to her? I missed it, and it looked like it might have been a good one. Will research this and get back to you.

Bottom Three: Jenny, Dana, Ryan
Encore: Dilana, unless they decide that’s not playing fair, then either Lukas or Phil

Anyway, another week where I’m confused as to why most of these people are here.

1 comment:

Wilma said...

Tommy said to Dilana "Dilana...I wanna".

Hmmmm. Kinda anticlimatic & not at all as funny as I was expecting. Maybe it's better to be partially deaf at times.